During break tonight (as I would never waste time during scheduled working hours), I took a look at the stats for the ole site.
Which by the way, I am going to start referring to as OOAFM. Not as in saying the letters out like NCAA, but as a word. “OOAFM”
“Hey, did you read that account of the events in Libya last night on OOAFM? It was spot on. Spot on I say!”
Earlier tonight I Googled “how to increase your blog traffic”. I would have entered it into yahoo answers, but in the 3 days that I have known that this site existed, I have become disliked by the community as a whole. Not that it really affects me that a group of people who get serious medical advice from complete strangers don’t care for my specific type of witty banter, but I am afraid that I would not get reliable advice back from them.”
The advice that I received from the Goog’s was very helpful.
- Find a topic that you are passionate about (I’m pretty passionate about OOAFM. As passionate as the next guy I guess)
- Stay on topic.. don’t jump around (ut oh)
- Don’t ramble (wait what? isn’t that the point? I don’t have anything earthshattering to say, rambling and hoping that something profound poops out is really all I got)
- Be positive (I now hate this advice site, and started looking for a place to leave comments)
- Don’t be discouraged if you don’t have that many followers. Some sites have 1million viewers, some only have a few 1000. (a few thousand???)
On average, 275 people read this rubbish regularly. (There was a sign in the bat cave that said “Do not throw rubbish down the toilet”, so tonight’s activity is to say “rubbish” whenever possible.)
I was pretty happy with 275. I only have like 180 Facebook friends I think, and in real life, there are only like maybe five or six people that can stand me for prolonged periods of time.
So I thought my number was a pretty good. Especially since when I post something new, even if it is rubbish, you all read it within about 4 hours.
So I’m going to lay it right out on the table. If I have any hope of becoming a multimillionaire from my quips on everyday living, I need you all to stop reading this alone in the dark, where no one can see you. When I haven’t written anything in a while, people will ask me why I stopped writing stuff, but they ask me like someone would ask a stranger to borrow preparation-H. “ummm. Hey…. Shhh… um.. when.. when are you going to post something on your blog again.. shhhhhh”.
I don’t know if it is because it is gay to read a blog? Or if maybe you are afraid that someday you will be sitting on the witness stand under cross examination and the attorney will try to discredit your testimony based on your patronage of OOAFM.
“Mr. Smith… do you know what this is?”
-“Yes”
“Can you describe what this is”
-“Uh…. Yes, it is a screenshot of the home page of OOAFM”
“And is that your name underneath the list of followers?”
-“Yes”
“No further questions you honor”
Or could it be that you think that someday during the vetting process when you are running for President, that it will come up, and your party will distance themselves from you and you will be forced to become a lobbyist for the maple syrup industry?
Whatever it may be that keeps you from officially following me, or commenting , or even clicking the little thing that says that you thought this was funny (or stupid for that matter) Im ok with that I guess, but can I humbly ask you that you just forward one of your favorite posts to one of your friends that has a slightly off sense of humor like you and I?
There is a fancy new button deal at the end of each post that will let you send it on ‘er way. If even half of those people think I that this is worth a peep on their iphones whilst taking a deuce, well it won’t be long before I can quit the normal 18:00-06:00 grind and sit back and judge others full time.
And let’s be honest, that’s what we all want for me isn’t it?
Share OOAFM with the world you piece of rubbish.
I question everything that is you
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