THINGS THAT SHAPE MY LIFE THAT NORMAL PEOPLE DONT THINK ABOUT....

Monday, November 5, 2012

Traditions are fun....


There is a national website, where anyone, can anonymously post anything you want. It is nationwide, but specific to your local area. It may be the straw that breaks the internet’s back. It is by far the worst example of human interaction ever known.  

Most people, specifically in the area where I grew up, are not very smart, nor are the very imaginative. So the site is basically used to accuse local townspeople of cheating on their spouses, smoking crack, and installing their TP in a manner inconsistent with the acceptable normal orientation.

Because I really have nothing better to do, and because I just love to mock others, I have taken to starting message board conversations, and seeing what the local tribes people think about the scenarios that I put forth.

My first attempt at getting people to attack me went not at all as expected. I wrote in bashing a local convenience store because the lady behind the counter scolded me for tasting the cheese curd without buying it. I explained that I wanted to make sure that “it aint nasty” before I bought it.

I did not take into account the local demographic, and most people replied, that in fact the clerk was out of line, and that others have had similar experiences… Kinda takes the fun out of it when your outrageous made up scenario is commonplace.

Therefor I will continue to make up stories with escalating idiocy until I can no longer get even a single reader to take me seriously.

I may have set the bar a little high coming out of the gate, but this is my second attempt;

"Yet another Halloween has come and gone.

For most of you, except the wind and rain of the Sandy, it may have seemed like any other. Young ghouls and goblins, running this way and that.

But for our sleepy little street, in our sleepy little town, we decided to do something a little different. Something a little special.

Instead of giving out the traditional fun sized candy bars, or lolly-pops (my wife calls them lollies… Hahaha.. she is such silly goose) we decided to pass out pro-choice pamphlets to those children that were rude and didn’t greet us at the door with a smile and a cheery “trick or treat?”.

And, for those little darlings that were raised to be respectful and courteous, we handed out bumper stickers that said “life begins at conception”…

Unfortunately,  due to the sad state of parenting in our area, we had an ample supply of the bumper stickers left over at the end of the night.

We spoke with each of the parents, and are hoping that this is a tradition that we can continue for years to come. With the parents that have raised well behaved children, displaying their pro-life bumper stickers like a badge of honor, and looking down upon those who did not garner one.

Just a fun little thing that we are doing, feel free to try it in your community. Pay it forward as I like to say…."




Wednesday, October 31, 2012

A Walnut is Better than Nothing at All...


Once when I was a young child (you will notice that I did not say small), I dressed up as an Ewok for Halloween. The old lady that lived up the road thought that I was a walnut… I cried.


That was the first Halloween that I remember. And every year since then I have dressed up as something (never a walnut).

Typically my costume is impractical for parties and things of that nature. I am a large fellow, who runs a little hot. When I dress in 40 to 50 pounds of fake fur (fur is murder) it isn’t long before I look like Patrick Ewing shooting a foul shot. Its torturous, but I love it.

The last few years the wifey and I have done couples costumes. Pimp and Ho, Frankenstein and Mrs. Frank, King Kong and Betty White (or whoever that chick was). This year, not only did we not get to dress up, we did not even get to see each other. I am stuck in the Flower City, helping to contribute to the irrational fears of the freaks on “Doomsday Preppers), so no Halloween for me. And because she loves me so much, the wife bowed out as well.

There were so many good couple costumes this year. Opie and a Lead Pipe…   Trevon Martin and Zimmerman.. Sandusky’s ass before and after prison… the ideas were endless.

And we get to do nothing… I might cry again this year

I guess I will just sit at home and wait for the Prepps candy bar kid to come by and get a snickers from me, and see if he relishes the irony.  I bet it will not be lost on the little scamp.