The British are coming, and Jess is leaving.

This past weekend will go down in history for three things. 1775 - Paul Revere warns "The British are Coming", 1853 - The first train in Asia goes into service, 2010 - Jess Simmons going away party.

Apparently seeing how i live was to much of a temptation for Jess, and see decided to do the work in one town, live in another on the weekends. She is headed to Albany today. I didnt get to say goodbye, so, bye Jess, thanks for everything.

Loving Jess the way that we do (all sneaky like after she passes out), we did something totally out of character and had a Bon Voyage Party for her at the Hurleys'es.

Following a semi quite night that involved about an hour of trying to figure out where to go to dinner, 30 mins of me trying to navigate through the parking lot of Pittsford Plaza, and a meal complete with us toying with the boundaries of socially acceptable behavior at The Cheesecake Factory, the men folk got up and did what most people do on mornings where is in the mid 30's and the precipitation is a mix of rain, snow, hail, and brimstone. We hit the golf course.

Nothing too exciting happened during golf. Pretty typical. Dave ran late due to his morning dump going into extra innings. Ron had some holes when his truthyness was questioned, Shaun on several shots set up aiming 80 yards to the right, and then hit the ball 80 yards to the right, and i hit it long and straight and was so far ahead that score wasnt kept after the 11th hole. The only memorable happening was on the 12 or 13th. After turning on the inside pitch twice (first tee shot, and then again on the mulligan tee shot) Dave's ball had taken part in a hostile take over of the adjacent fairway.

After we left the tee box and got to our balls, getting ready to hit our second shot, Shaun and I looked over to see where Dave was. He was over a fairway or two, and was staggering aimlessly back and forth, no club in hand.

"Hey Shaun, look at Dave... What the fuck is he doing?"

"no idea". 

"Doesnt he look like a zombie? Have you seem the trailer for "The Crazies"? Doesnt he look like the zombie that walks across the baseball field".

"Whatever"

He did look like a zombie, and i have been keeping a close eye on him since...

We hurried back after golf (well, after hamburgers and a pitcher of beer (Diet Coke for me)). A little house keeping was needed in Dave's Garage in case the party needed to migrate there if the weather stayed shitty (which it did). This consisted if grabbing a loose item and doing one of two things; throwing it in the pile of shit to burn, or stuffing it in any cubby hole that you could find. Dave found his CPCS baseball cap from 1996, and he also found his yearbook from 1994. The hat was somewhat amusing. The yearbook was better, mainly because one of dave's guy friends signed it "Dave, i heart heart heart heart you!" (The hearts were drawn, not written). Again, i have been keeping a close eye on him ever since.

After the cleaning phase, we split into two groups. One headed to the forest to chop down trees to burn. And the other headed to dick's to get yard games. I dont know what the other guys did in the forest, but i imagine that it involved a lot of sharing of their feelings and making out. 

Shaun and i got to see a guy go on a small rant about all of the party hats being made in China. He would pick one up, look at the tag, then say "Fuckin China" far too loud for a crowded family store. Then he would lather, rinse, and repeat. We laughed, then we each bought a party hat. We also came away with a Bag-O game that lit up, and a hippie frisbee game that was pretty fun until the frizbee broke several times and was covered with duct tape and DNA samples.

When Shaun and i got back to the house Jess's work friends were already there, Jess and the women folk were not. Tub was keeping them occupied with freindly conversation and a puppet show that he and Dale put together using crudely fashioned papier-mâché  animals.

The following text message conversation took place between Kali and I;

Me - Where are u guys? Jess's friends are here

Kal - At Prepps

Me - Are you joking??? Her work friends are here, it is going to get awkward soon

Kal - Shots for shuffle board

Me - I dont know what that means

Kal - Kicking butt at shuffle board = shots for us. Wanna pick us up

Me - I cant tell if you are joking

At this point, Tubby and i had a side bar. I let him know that they were at prepps. We agreed that, that was something we would do (have done) so how could we really be that mad, but still we had to act like we were.

However, a quick text to the bartender gave them away, and they were never there in the first place.

Me - We agreed that you were cool and we couldnt fault you. Yet, we have spies everywhere and know that you arent at prepps. Love ya.

They pulled in a short time later.

The party was actually pretty quiet. We played alot of Bag-0 (you will notice in the photo the fancy lighting system, that needed AAA batteries. I had about 5 different people ask Dave if he had any. I have found you need to find small joys when everyone around you is drunk and you are not. I think if i would have one more person ask him there would have been a domestic violence incident.

The only other thing that was worth mentioning was Kenda stepping on the umbrella stand. In the middle of Dave's lawn is, what at one point was a stand for a patio table umbrella. The thing with the big round base and the pole that sticks straight up (insert fat horny guy joke here). I was trying to put the glow sticks in the Bag-O bags at the time, so i didnt see exactly how it happened, but i heard what sounded like a aluminum bat hitting a watermelon. Apparently the stand was tipped at about a 70 degree angle, at which point she stepped on it, the base went flat, and the pole shot up and blasted her in the bridge of the nose, ala Daffy Duck getting his bill smashed with a garden rake.

There was a little blood, a few giggles when we were fairly sure that she was ok, and alot of awe that she could take a punch like that and stay upright...

Good times..